putigress2012: (Default)
[personal profile] putigress2012
Title: A Bit of Fun 2/4
Fandom: XMFC
Pairing: Charles/Erik, side Hank/Raven
Rating: PG-13 (for kissing, language, some violence)
Length: 1,848 words (this part)
Prompt: http://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/7761.html?thread=15005265#t15005265
Summary: Charles is Erik's forever - the man he wants to spend the rest of his life with and can't imagine his future without. So why is he saying that Charles is nothing more that his temporary bit of fun? (Hint: Modern!AU with Mutant!Erik and Human!Charles.)
Previous: A Bit of Fun 1/4 )

Erik knows he doesn't deserve forgiveness, but he can only resist four days before he goes to Charles's door to ask for it.

A man opens the door - and that man is not Charles. He is shorter than Erik, with broader shoulders and bulging muscles.

"Hey bub," the guy greets, looking Erik up and down - obviously checking Erik out. (Gay. This guy is gay. Gay and in Charles's apartment.) "What do you need?"

Erik wonders if he could get away with ripping all the iron out of this intruder's blood. Such stupid sideburns are an affront to the world.

"I'm looking for Charles," he grits out, manfully resisting the urge to strangle the other with his own dogtags. (He can feel the metal calling to him - and what kind of name is 'Logan' anyway?)

"Logan? Who is at the door?" Charles's voice calls from inside the apartment, and then Charles is in his line of vision for the first time in four days, and all Erik wants is Logan gone so he can talk to Charles and maybe beg for forgiveness . He's hoping the begging will not be necessary, but he's also ready to swallow his pride if that's what it takes to get Charles back.

"Erik Lehnsherr?" the intruder growls, dark eyes fixing on Erik in an entirely different way.

"Um... Logan," Charles says cautiously, placing a gentle hand on the other man's straining forearm. "Perhaps... perhaps I should talk to Erik alone? Raven and I will see you tomorrow for lunch, yes?"

"Charles - if you think I'm leaving you alone with this fucker..." and suddenly three bone claws are sliding out of the man's right hand.

"Logan, I will be fine. Erik will not physically harm me," Charles reassures, seemingly unperturbed by the foot-long claws sticking out of this man's hand.

Logan looks at Charles searchingly, before nodding sharply and elbowing past Erik.

"If you hurt him again, they won't find your body," he mutters gruffly as he practically body checks Erik into the doorframe.

"Come in," Charles murmurs softly once Logan turns the corner, and then steps aside to let Erik in. "Logan was just helping me pack up the last of your things."

Erik notices the two large boxes as soon as he steps into the apartment. He can do nothing but stare at them dumbly.

"Yes, I was quite surprised as well," his - what? Boyfriend? Ex-boyfriend? Love of his fucking life? His Charles chuckles resignedly. "You left more things here than I had realized. Quite a few turtlenecks, along with a random other assortment of clothes. Some books. Of course your toiletries. Your coffee-maker."

"Charles..." Erik trails off, unsure how to respond.

"I don't... I'm not going to yell, Erik," Charles murmurs, with a small, sad smile. "We can be mature adults about this, yes? I imagine you've come for your things, and here they are. I'm not going to fight you about this - everything you've ever left here or ever given me is in these two boxes. If I've forgotten anything, please let me know and I will return it to you promptly."

This isn't what Erik wants. This isn't what he came for. He doesn't know how to deal with this.

"Oh!" Charles exclaims softly - and then his left hand goes to the watch on his right wrist.

The watch Erik gave him for their six-month anniversary. (How was that only three weeks ago? They were so happy). The watch that Erik knows inside and out. The watch Erik uses - used - to always locate Charles whenever they were anywhere near each other. The watch Charles didn't wear to Emma's party because he was afraid something would happen to it, so Erik didn't know Charles was close enough to hear. He never would have said all those stupid, untrue things if Charles had been wearing his watch.

Charles takes the watch off, staring at it with wide, hurt eyes - before stepping forward to hold it out to Erik.

To return it to Erik.

He doesn't want it back. He never wants it back.

"Don't... I don't... I didn't come for my things, Charles," Erik states, finally.

Charles just looks at him, confused for a moment, before his blue eyes harden and he takes a step back.

"I don't want to have sex with you," Charles tells him firmly. "I don't... I want a real relationship, Erik. And obviously... obviously you can't give me that. Don't want to give me that. I don't know. But I do know that I'm not going to be your little bit of fun. I have more pride than that."

"That's not why I came...!" Erik replies, aghast at the thought that Charles truly thought he would use him that way. But why wouldn't Charles think that? Isn't that exactly what Erik said? "I didn't... I didn't mean what I said to Alex and Sean."

"Then why did you say it?" Charles questions calmly.

And Erik doesn't have an answer to that, because 'You're not a mutant, so I was ashamed to admit that I love you' probably isn't going to win Charles back.

"Well?" Charles prompts.

"I... the guys were mocking me. I got defensive. It was just... it was a stupid joke, to try to get them to shut up. I didn't intend for you to hear..." Erik explains, scrambling for a suitable excuse.

Charles just looks at him with a sad, resigned expression on his face.

"I'm not stupid, Erik," he says finally. "I know you're ashamed of me. We've been dating for over six months now, and you never introduced me to even one of your friends. I thought... I thought it might be because maybe you weren't comfortable being out of the closest yet, so I didn't push. But that's not it, is it? Because I'm just your bit of normal fun. That was the emphasis, wasn't it? Not that you're just using me for sex - but that you're just using me for sex because I'm not a mutant so I couldn't possibly be good enough for anything more."

There has to be something Erik can say or do or... something to fix this. But staring into Charles's sad blue eyes, scrambling for an excuse or an explanation or an apology or anything, anything to make Charles forgive him and not hurt anymore and not want to end their relationship - Erik has nothing.

Erik has nothing, and it is his fault. Of course it is his fault. He had this beautiful, caring, perfectly imperfect man (Charles was his, Charles had been his) and he destroyed it because he had too much damn pride to publicly recant his hatred for all humanity.

"I want you by my side," Erik says desperately, sharing the only truth he has left.

Charles just keeps looking at him with those sad eyes - and then he shakes his head in exasperation, irritation, denial.

"That's not enough," Charles tells him. "That's not enough. Because you don't really want me by your side - not in the eyes of king and country. You want - you want me in your closet, Erik. And I've spent far too much of my life being ashamed of who I am to step back, even for you."

What can he say to that?

"Please just take your things and leave," Charles murmurs, looking down at the watch still lying innocently in his hand. Then he places it on one of the boxes, before stepping back resolutely. "I'm... I'm going to leave the apartment now. You can have someone over to help you with your things. And I trust... I trust you can use your power to lock up before you leave?"

Charles goes to walk past him, to leave the apartment - to leave Erik.

Erik cannot bear to let him go. He catches Charles's arm in a firm grip, turning the man to face him.

"I love you," Erik tells him, painfully honest.

It is the first time he has said those words to Charles - it is the first time he has said those words to anyone since his mother died.

Charles looks at him with pained eyes, because he must know how much it took for Erik to say that, to admit that.

"It's... it's not enough," Charles murmurs again. "I need... I need someone who will be proud of me, Erik. Someone who won't judge me and find me wanting for something I can't change. If I could be a mutant - if all it took was wishing hard enough to give me the power to bend metal, or shapeshift, or read minds - don't you think I would? Don't you think I would choose to be part of the next step in human evolution? To stand proudly beside you, and Raven, and Logan? But I can't. And you... you want me to be yours, but you don't want to be mine. Not really. So please, let go of my arm - and let me go."

"Charles. I do. I do want to be yours. Please," and Erik is begging, begging for Charles to relent and say that it will all be okay. That Charles will make Erik grovel for a while, but eventually it will all be alright. That they will be alright. "Please."

Erik never begs, but he thinks that if ever there was a time to completely upend his worldview and perception of himself - it is now.

Charles chuckles bitterly, closing his eyes as if bracing himself for pain.

"Even... even if I took you back, Erik - then what? Raven would think me a fool. Logan - Logan would probably try to kill you. And Emma and Alex and Sean - and all the rest of your and Raven's mutant friends? What will they - what do they think me? Do you think I can stand by your side, my head held high, all the while knowing that they think me nothing more than your fuck buddy?" Charles asks him, opening those too-blue eyes to stare at Erik dead-on. "They will never respect me, not after what you said. And to be honest, I'm not sure that you respect me. That anything will change if I take you back - let you back into my heart and home and life. So please, Erik - I will ask you once more: please let go of me. Find yourself someone else to be happy with. Someone who fits your ideal."

Erik lets go of Charles's arm, and watches as the man he is desperately in love with walks out of the door of his own apartment - leaving Erik with nothing but boxes full of material things. And a watch meant to be a promise of forever - a promise that Erik broke.

Erik thinks of Charles last words - and it will be impossible. Because Charles is Erik's ideal, and he knows with certainty that he will never be happy with anyone else.

Next Part: A Bit of Fun 3/4 )

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