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[personal profile] putigress2012
Title: Intimate Introduction to Human Sexuality (Sherlock Style)
Rating: R
Pairing: John/Sherlock
Wordcount: ~700
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: I do not own Sherlock, and I do not make any money from this fanwork.
Summary: Sherlock wants John. John wants Sherlock (to stop with the bad puns).

"I want to fuck you," Sherlock says conversationally over tea one morning.

John carefully lets go of his mug, settling his hands in his lap. Really, it is a good thing he wasn't taking a sip at the time.

"Come again?" John replies, opening his newspaper and flipping to the crime section.

"I want to fuck you," Sherlock repeats, an annoyed frown tugging at his lips. "I know you heard me the first time, John. Otherwise you would have taken a sip of your tea. But you think this conversation will be odd, so you decided not to risk it."

John frowns down at the newspaper. Sherlock must be bored again - it has been nearly 6 days since he solved the case of the 500,000 quid goose (it swallowed a really expensive jewel). Unfortunately, the paper does not seem to be providing any good mysteries this morning.

"John, do not make me repeat myself again. I know you heard me. You are sexually attracted to me. What is the issue?" Sherlock asks.

And yes, the great detective is pouting. John doesn't mention it, though. It will just send Sherlock further into a sulk.

"The problem is that sex complicates things. We're flatmates and friends, Sherlock. Really, leave it at that. If you want to have sex so badly, go pull at a pub. Keep your mouth shut for five minutes and it should be easy enough," John replies.

An almost hurt look flashes across Sherlock's face, but his expression smoothes out so quickly John almost thinks he imagined it.

"You are suggesting I have my first sexual experience with a stranger I meet at a pub?" Sherlock questions, voice even and expression blank.

Oh.

Sherlock is serious.

John closes the newspaper and sets it aside.

"Where is this coming from, Sherlock? I always thought you were asexual - and quite happily so. To be honest, I really didn't think it was much my business," John responds.

"Just because I am celibate does not mean I do not feel sexual attraction," Sherlock states. "It has recently come to my attention that it might be useful to The Work to be intimately familiar with the mechanics of human sexuality. I trust you to initiate me into such acts, in a way I do not believe I could trust anyone else."

"Manipulative bastard," John mumbles, shaking his head in fond exasperation. "Are you going to make me regret this?"

"Of course not," his friend replies, standing up and letting his blue dressing gown fall to the floor.

He is naked underneath.

"Christ, the things you get me into," John murmurs, standing up and heading towards his own bedroom - god knows the last time Sherlock changed his sheets.

"I'm not getting you into anything - I just want to get into you," Sherlock answers, trailing after him.

Still naked.

"Please, please, please - leave the innuendo out of it," John says. "You're going to put me off."

"No, John. I'm going to get you off," his friend whispers lowly in his ear, pressing his naked front against John's back.

John just keeps walking.

"I can still change my mind, you know," he threatens - though they both know he won't.

He can practically feel Sherlock grinning behind him. Really, sometimes John wonders how someone as crazy as Sherlock exists.

"Excellent," Sherlock replies. "After I fuck you, we should start systematically attempting the acts on my list."

"List? What list?" John asks, trying to keep his voice level as he enters his bedroom and takes his own dressing gown off. He's wearing pants underneath, but they are easy enough to slip off.

"We should start with the handcuffs. I swiped a pair from Lestrade last week," his friend responds, stepping forward to push John down on the bed.

Handcuffs.

Christ.

Well, hopefully this list will keep Sherlock entertained enough that he stops shooting the walls. Mrs. Hudson will appreciate that, at least.

It doesn't hurt that Sherlock is unaccountably talented with his tongue.

Date: 2012-01-28 10:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greysh.livejournal.com
:) very nice

Date: 2012-01-28 06:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] putigress2012.livejournal.com
Thanks for reading and commenting!

Date: 2012-01-28 06:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] putigress2012.livejournal.com
Thanks for reading and commenting. :D

Date: 2012-01-28 01:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tehomet.livejournal.com
"List? What list?" John asks, trying to keep his voice level

*snorfle* :D :D :D

Thanks for posting!

Date: 2012-01-28 06:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] putigress2012.livejournal.com
Thanks for reading and commenting. I'm glad you like it.

(And yes, poor John always has to keep his wits about him, when Sherlock is involved).

Date: 2012-01-28 06:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] putigress2012.livejournal.com
Thanks for reading and commenting.

Date: 2012-01-28 03:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zephyr-macabee.livejournal.com
Sherlock doesn't waste any time does he? And he jumps right up to the top of the menu too!

Date: 2012-01-28 06:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] putigress2012.livejournal.com
No, Sherlock does not believe it is logical to waste time. ^^

Thanks for reading and commenting.

Date: 2012-01-28 03:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kickair8p.livejournal.com
Nice. I like John's equally pragmatic take on it.

~

Date: 2012-01-28 06:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] putigress2012.livejournal.com
Yeah, John's learned by now he just has to go with the flow.

Thanks for reading and commenting.

Date: 2012-01-28 05:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] exbex.livejournal.com
Great fun :)

Date: 2012-01-28 06:24 pm (UTC)

Date: 2012-01-28 06:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ladypredator.livejournal.com
Hahaha, the funny thing is that I could actually hear Sherlock attempting just such a conversation in the series. It sounds just like him.

Date: 2012-01-28 06:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] putigress2012.livejournal.com
Thanks. That is such a compliment. ^^

Date: 2012-01-28 07:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] northernwalker.livejournal.com
Poor John has no idea what he's getting into- which is kind of the story of their lives together, I think.

And yeah, I too would be very, very wary of any mention of Sherlock and a list!

Date: 2012-01-29 01:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] putigress2012.livejournal.com
Thanks for reading and commenting.

And yeah, I definitely agree - their life story is pretty much Sherlock doing crazy (wonderful) things and John going along without much idea of what is happening, lol.

Date: 2012-01-28 08:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fanbot.livejournal.com
*snicker* I wonder if Sherlock will stop to take notes. :)

Date: 2012-01-29 01:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] putigress2012.livejournal.com
He'll probably wait until after to take notes.

Thanks for reading and commenting. :D

Date: 2012-01-28 11:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ariadnechan.livejournal.com
YAY!!!!

but like they english surely Sherlock will say shag!

this is awesome!! and i'm sure john is well provided!!

but maybe if i were John i use my captain voice and turn around the issue until the handcuffs

please think about Jane and Irene!!

Date: 2012-01-29 01:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] putigress2012.livejournal.com
Thanks for reading and commenting. I'm glad you like it.

Date: 2012-01-29 01:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jerel.livejournal.com
This gave me a good giggle. :)

Date: 2012-01-29 06:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] putigress2012.livejournal.com
Thanks for commenting. I'm glad you like it. :D

Date: 2012-01-29 03:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adhyra-19.livejournal.com
"in a way I do not believe I could trust anyone else."

Manipulative!Sherlock, oh my, poor John, he is so doomed :)))) (but enjoying every second of it, as usual:)

I loved it, kudos because it's hilariously sexy

Date: 2012-01-29 06:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] putigress2012.livejournal.com
Yeah, Sherlock is pretty manipulative, isn't he? But John loves him anyway.

Thanks for reading and writing. I'm glad you like it. :D

Date: 2012-01-30 01:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] treksnoopy.livejournal.com
Wonderful!

Date: 2012-01-30 04:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] putigress2012.livejournal.com
Thanks. I'm glad you like it. :D

Date: 2012-01-30 07:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sweetplumeria22.livejournal.com
*laughing* Good stuff. You're very witty!

Date: 2012-01-30 07:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] putigress2012.livejournal.com
Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. :D

Date: 2012-02-02 02:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kendra42.livejournal.com
John....in handcuffs...getting fucked by Sherlock....Where is the continuation?!?!?!
OK, yeah. This was hot and they didn't even do anything yet!!!

Date: 2012-02-02 02:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] putigress2012.livejournal.com
Thanks for reading and commenting. Glad you liked it. ^^

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